she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
