end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
