I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
