I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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