dude i'm inner monologue high
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
