I can't breathe out the right side of my face
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
