Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Randomize
