Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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