No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I don't deserve a penis
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
