trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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