my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
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