Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
