After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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