I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
