he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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