She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
