Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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