Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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