Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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