I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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