i just wanna soil my oats bro
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
