I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
