just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
