Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
