Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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