so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
