idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
