I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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