My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
