i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Randomize
