help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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