dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
