Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize