Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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