My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
