it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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