In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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