You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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