Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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