Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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