ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
