She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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