so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
