Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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