After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
