i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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