Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
