Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
