At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
