You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
