If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
