look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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