Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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