Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
you would pick up someone in the library
He kissed a someone with a penis
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
