I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize