And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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