make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
