really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Randomize
