It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
