I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Randomize
