Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
