my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
All I want is dick and wine.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize