how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
