I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
