And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
