All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
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