He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
