i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
