ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
