This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
