If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Randomize
