somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
